If anybody needs fashionable photographs of people whose faces are partially obscured by various objects, I’m your guy.
Posted March 13, 2017
Oh my gosh, where do I start? Just kidding, I’m not a basic white girl (although I do enjoy the occasional pumpkin spice anything and quoting Nicholas Sparks). But I did want to take the time to wish one of my very best friends a happy birthday. I have him to thank for the courage to pursue this little dream of mine and for always letting me take pictures of him and his shoes when I need practice. I also freeload off of his Adobe Creative Cloud account and, for that, I will forever be grateful.
“She did get her miracle, Landon. Her miracle was you.”
– irrelevant Nicholas Sparks quote from A Walk to Remember
If anyone was wondering, the real John Kerry’s birthday is December 11.
I am currently without a vehicle. My uncle recently wrecked his car, so I returned the car I was sort of loaning from him. At first I thought it was going to be a hassle because I wasn’t going to have reliable transportation, but then I remembered that I don’t like leaving my house that much anyway, so this just gives me an excuse to not make unwanted plans. It also means that I don’t have to drive that car anymore. To call me frugal would be like calling the sun warm, so having to drive a car that only got 22 miles per gallon and relied solely on the highest grade gasoline rustled my jimmies every time I had to refill the tank. I am now free from the bonds of my premium petroleum shackles and I can feel the sun shining on my face. It’s sort of a funny coincidence that I was just talking about new beginnings and this is arguably symbolic of the whole situation. That car was such bad juju that getting rid of it was a huge relief.
Soon though, I’ll need a new car to get around and I think I’ve narrowed it down to two cars. Realistically, it’s only one, which is the Volkwagen Golf. But fuuuckkkk, on one of my photography adventures, I came across an old-school Volkswagen Microbus and I was instantly in love. All I could think about was loading up my dog, some snacks, and my camera, and just going on a cross-country, forever-type adventure. It just makes me want to work even harder so that one I will be able to do all of that.
I took a few pictures, but this creepy old dude came out and stared me down so I didn’t have as much time as I would’ve liked.
*Blows away figurative dust.* It’s been a while since I’ve written and I apologize to anyone who eagerly waits for each installment of ASS. I told myself I wouldn’t let this thing die, and, yet, here it is, on its last legs, gasping for air as it draws its final breaths. I’ve had this website for a little over a year and I realized I was well short of a year’s worth of posts. But I’m here now. I’m here to resuscitate my brainchild and hopefully make it even better than it was before. You see, I had a whole theme with my posts before and I think I was getting a little too cute with what I was doing, instead of focusing on pushing meaningful content. I became discouraged. Discouraged because I got caught up in the number of clicks and likes I would get per post. I started to post things that I thought would satisfy my need for instant gratification and ended up not being satisfied with any of my work. Then I became lazy. Lazy, because…well, lazy because that’s who I am inherently, as a person. I don’t know how it happened, but I started believing that my lethargy was a good thing and became a massive underachiever who tried to get away with putting in as minimal work as possible, and it had worked thus far because I had enough talent to just float by. It’s like in Friday Night Lights where the white dude tells Boobie Miles he didn’t lift and Boobie responds with, “C’mon man, this is God given. Only thing I gotta do is show up.” That was me for the longest time, except unlike him, I wasn’t the star player and never even wanted to be. I just showed up to show up. But aside from puberty, I’ve experienced more growth in these past few months than I have in about 20 years. I think I’ve finally learned that hard work can be more gratifying than those few extra hours of sleep. So from now on, you can expect a post from me almost daily, whether it be photographs or some insight from my day.
February 14th is right around the corner, so I suppose this might be an appropriate time to dig into my feelings and write a few thoughts about love, relationships, and the like. I’ll admit that I’ve always been a fan of Valentine’s Day, or at least the idea of it; I know there are a few people out there who like to express the sentiment that it’s a Hallmark holiday or that it’s an arbitrary day because you should show your significant other the same love every other day of the year but those people are usually fedora tipping neckbeards who think saying things like that will earn them some brownie points somehow. But really though, I think that if you should have a day to highlight and celebrate something, there are worse options than love.
If I’m being completely honest, I did contemplate writing a really negative post about how tragic my love life (or lack thereof) has been, but I decided against it because I kind of felt like it undermined the whole concept of love. If anyone was wondering, I haven’t had a real girlfriend since my freshman year of college (7 years give or take) and my wiener is like a rookie pirate who hasn’t pillaged or plundered any villages: no booty. It just occurred to me that I’ve been single for both of Barack Obama’s presidential terms. But frankly, I haven’t been actively looking to get into any type of romantic relationships so it’s a semi-deliberate decision, and I think I’ve narrowed it to two overarching reasons as to why. The first is that, although there is a running joke within my circle of friends that I fall in love with every girl I meet, I am dreadfully particular about everything, especially people. My friends who are reading this are probably nodding their heads because they know that I have a natural propensity for disdain and contempt towards strangers. It’s not that I do it intentionally; I think it’s more of a defense mechanism and there’s just so many stupid people out there. The second reason for my chronic single-dom, which kind of is an extension of the first, is that I am actually afraid to put myself out there. Actually I take that back. I’m not afraid to put myself out there; I’m afraid that if I cast my rod (ayyy) with my worm (ayyy) into this dating ocean, the wrong fish will bite. I don’t have that much bait to begin with, so I’m not trying to catch whales or crabs, and definitely nothing with tentacles. Bad metaphor aside, what I’m trying to say is love is a remarkable thing. I mean anyone who has ever been in love can attest to that fact. Food tastes better. You’ve got a pep in your step. Watching Netflix becomes a little more fun. But you know what doesn’t taste good? Giving your love to the wrong person and finding out that this motherfucker wasn’t who you thought they were. And it’s pathetic to say, but for a while, I kept donning this mask and cape and becoming Captain Save-a-Hoe, vigilantly trying to rescue damsels in distress only to find out they didn’t need rescuing and I was just a homewrecking piece of shit. So at this point in my life, I’m choosing not to chase after people so I don’t waste my time getting myself into further shitty situations. Shituations?
Okay so at this point you’re probably feeling really bad for me because I just sound really lonely and bitter, but you shouldn’t. When I first got dumped, it hurt like shit for sure. But as time passed, I began to realize that I had an itch for solitude and I’ve been scratching that thing raw ever since. Shit is empowering, yo. And with so much personality, I could be by myself and enjoy the company (thanks, Ye). The best part though is that I fucking love myself now more than ever and I think that to truly be able to love someone else, you have to irrefutably be able to love yourself. If you can’t love yourself, how can anyone believe that you love them?
Lastly, and probably most importantly, there’s nowhere to go but forward so I want to leave you with a little bit of what I hope the future brings. Do you remember the episode of FRIENDS, “The One Where Joey Tells Rachel”? The main plotline of the episode was that Joey was going to tell Rachel that he was in love with her. Many feels were had with that whole situation, but what really appealed to me was the subplot where Phoebe starts to date a guy named Don, but she believes Don to be Monica’s solemate (ha). Much to Chandler’s chagrin, Monica and Don get along really well, with both even having dreams of living in a house made of cheese. So even though Chandler doesn’t believe in the idea of soulmates, you see his insecurities start to show when he acts up back at home. Now here comes the best part: Monica tries to figure out what is wrong and Chandler tells her. It is then that Monica reveals that she doesn’t believe in soulmates either and that relationships require a lot of work, and I’ve always thought that in some bizarre way, them both not believing in soulmates ipso facto makes them soulmates. That’s what love is to me and I will not settle for anything less than brilliantly written sitcom romance.